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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28436169">Auteur Theory and Auctioneering</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/stalltherain/pseuds/stalltherain'>stalltherain</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Community (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bachelor Auction, Bachelorette Auction, Banter, F/M, Friendship, Humor, Inappropriate Humor, Jealousy, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Romantic Angst, Romantic Comedy, Season/Series 02, Study Group</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 20:40:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,019</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28436169</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/stalltherain/pseuds/stalltherain</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Greendale holds a bachelorette auction. Abed makes a short film in which he wants Jeff to be the lead. A romantic interest from Annie's past returns. Will it all push Jeff to confess his feelings for Annie?</p><p>Takes place toward the end of season 2. Becomes canon-divergent. Jeff/Annie-centric. Involves the whole study group.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Annie Edison/Jeff Winger</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>62</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Takes place toward the end of season 2. Could be set anytime between 'Asian Population Studies' and 'Applied Anthropology and Culinary Arts'. </p><p>From a prompt for "bachelorette auction". A revision of a story I wrote during the original run  s2 &amp; s3 hiatus. Main plot points are similar to the original, but now stand-alone with several elements changed.</p><p>Includes a school promo video, which I know seems like a rip-off of 'Documentary Filmmaking: Redux' now that it exists. But my previous version was published before s3 aired, and I still like the idea, so I kept that aspect.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jeff strides across the quad, avoiding the throng of students lined up to participate in the dean's latest attempt to bolster school pride. After a few narrow misses, Jeff safely escapes every quirky student and professor along the way. Pulling open the library doors, he isn't surprised to hear the overhead speaker crackle to life with Dean Pelton's voice.</p><p>"Young men of Greendale! Remember that only Greendale greenbacks will be accepted at this evening's charity bachelorette auction—" The dean halts his announcement to confer with an unidentified second party. "Oh, I’m sorry, Leonard. How inconsiderate of me. Yes, old men are welcome to participate as well." A pause then a few seconds of muffled words from a higher-pitched voice. "Oh. Of course. Women can bid too." The dean clears his throat and corrects, "All men and women of Greendale—" A third indistinguishable voice interrupts. “What's that?" The hum of the third voice is followed by a drawn-out and intrigued, “Oh really? We're finally using a word for it. I'm so out of touch. I have been wondering—" A pause then the dean's voice booms. “Oh! Right! The announcement! Where was I? Ahem. All students of Greendale, stop by the quad to exchange your validated work certificates for Greendale greenbacks. Don’t let that <em> special someone </em> you’ve had your eye on get snatched up by someone else!"</p><p>Jeff pulls out his chair to join the three female members of the study group at their usual table. "A Greendale bachelorette auction? I'd expect better prospects from a single's night at Wal-Mart."</p><p>After a round of gasps, Jeff responds to the loudest. "Annie, you didn't actually sign up for that, did you?"</p><p>"Yes, Jeff!" She tosses her hair over her shoulder. "We all did."</p><p>Jeff looks to his right. "Britta, not you, too? I was looking forward to a bra-burning protest against the exploitation of women."</p><p>"Please, Jeff. It's called being charitable. Something you clearly know nothing about."</p><p>Offended, he leans back. "Hey, I've donated to charity!"</p><p>"Donating sperm doesn't count," Britta replies as she rolls her eyes.</p><p>Jeff smirks, refusing to let her insult land, "It's harder work than you'd think."</p><p>"Eww!" Annie squeals. "Could we just have one day where nobody talks about sperm?"</p><p>Shirley smiles and bats her eyes, putting on her sing-song voice that means she wants something. "Speaking of that, Jeffrey, I was hoping you'd bid on me at the auction." </p><p>Jeff's brow furrows. "What does that have to do with sperm?"</p><p>Shirley's plastered-on smile falls. "Nothing. Excuse me for not having a natural segue from your weird three-way sexual tension."</p><p>"What!?" Britta and Annie exchange offended looks, each discreetly eyeing the other.</p><p>Jeff sticks to the point. "Shirley, why would I bid on you?"</p><p>"Andre isn't a student." Shirley clutches both hands over her heart. "And as a Christian woman, I wouldn't feel right about going on a date with anyone else, so I need one of my friends to bid."</p><p>Jeff leans back in his seat and injects a bit of reason into the conversation. "Shirley, I'd like to, but wouldn't it be easier on us both if you just didn't enter the auction?"</p><p>Shirley's brow wrinkles, and her voice deepens. "How would that help charity?"</p><p>"Come on!" Jeff throws his hands up. "Most of these 'charities' are just excuses for school employees not to do their jobs. We're talking about grading papers for Duncan, not feeding starving children in Africa."</p><p>"Jeff, stop making excuses." Annie raises her chin. "Sometimes it’s just nice to help others."</p><p>Jeff huffs. "I’m paying to be here. I shouldn't have to work for free too."</p><p>"That is the kind of callous, entitled attitude that—" Britta is interrupted by heavy breathing and the pounding of feet.</p><p>"Annie!" Troy comes to a halt inside the study room doors. "You'll never believe who Pierce and I just saw outside."</p><p>Further down the hallway, the doors open to reveal the older man laughing with his arm slung around the shoulders of a much younger man looking very uncomfortable beneath Pierce's embrace. Trailed by Abed, the odd couple bounces into the room. Jeff's chest tightens when he hears Annie gasp.</p><p>"Hey. Hello. What's up?"</p><p>"Hey..." Jeff tries to force a smile. "Vaughn." Jeff glances at Annie, whose eyes are bigger than he's ever seen them. Vaughn bursts into a smile and rushes toward her.</p><p>"Hey!" Annie rises and takes a step toward Vaughn, who flings his arms around her. </p><p>As Vaughn spins Annie in a much-too-lengthy embrace, Jeff's eyes form a hardened glare. Doing his best to keep his forced smile, Jeff grits his teeth, showing he's not at all bothered by Vaughn's arrival.</p><p>"Hi, Vaughn," Britta says. "What are you doing back?"</p><p>He puts his hands together and grins. "Just finished enrolling in a half-semester accounting class!"</p><p>"Um..." Annie's eyebrows knit. "That's a long commute from Delaware."</p><p>"Oh, right! I forgot. I have a surprise." Vaughn beams at Annie and lifts his arms out to his sides. "I moved back! I made the national hacky sack team! We train in Denver." He wraps one arm around Annie's shoulder and pulls her in tight. "Isn't that great?"</p><p>Jeff grits his teeth harder as his forced smile widens. Vaughn's return doesn't bother him at all. In fact, he's happy— No, thrilled! Yes, Jeff is thrilled Vaughn is back! That means no more drama; no more punches in the nose; no more surprise "either you want me or you don't" conversations in the men's bathroom. And no more catching himself staring at Annie before reminding himself he's already had multiple chances and screwed them all up.</p><p>Annie's eyes connect with Jeff's for a moment before she forces a smile. "Wow… Yeah..."</p><p>Shirley smiles up at the pair. "Oh! That's nice! You two are so adorable." She reaches for her books and stands. "We should give you time to catch up."</p><p>"Noooo... Stay." Annie's voice sounds a bit like she's pleading as she pulls out of Vaughn's grasp, or that could just be Jeff's wishful thinking. Annie casually swats the air. "We should talk later. Everyone is already studying, and I can't ask you to leave. That would be rude."</p><p>Britta shrugs. "I don't mind."</p><p>Shirley gazes hopefully at each member of the group who all nod, except for Jeff, who glares at her with his arms crossed. She ignores him and smiles. "It's settled then. You two should talk and see where you go from here." </p><p>"But— But—" Annie stammers as she looks around the room in desperation.</p><p>Abed and Troy shrug like the decision is out of their hands. Oblivious to the situation, Pierce just pushes buttons and shakes his phone as he makes his way to the door. Britta and Shirley offer encouraging smiles.</p><p>Annie's eyes lock on Jeff's, silently pleading for an escape from the conversation she's not yet ready to have. Trapped in her doe-eyed gaze, the last thing Jeff wants is that unbathed stoner "reconnecting" with her. It's not like he's jealous though; Jeff Winger doesn't do jealousy.</p><p>"Jeffrey," Shirley calls in a saccharine tone from the doorway. "Are you coming?"</p><p>Vaughn gawks at Annie with a goofy grin plastered on his face. The thought of knocking that grin off his unwashed hippie face makes Jeff very happy. Okay... Is there a word that means vehemently resentful of the man who's about to win back the woman you might be in love with? Jeff is that. Whatever that is. But not jealous.</p><p>Shirley's voice goes deep and carries an ominous warning. "Jeffrey?"</p><p>Jeff snaps out of his thoughts and resigns himself to the reality that he isn't entitled to get in the way of Annie's happiness. She can date whatever hippie she wants. He pulls out of her gaze and gathers his books. Offering her a half-hearted smile, he follows the others out the door.</p><p>Annie lifts her hand in a short wave as she musters words of gratitude. "Thanks, guys..."</p><p>###</p><p>Jeff rakes his hands through his hair as he leans against the coffee shop counter. Coffee isn't strong enough to take his thoughts off the discussion happening right now in the study room, but Duncan started locking his office once he noticed his whiskey bottles were emptying. After picking up his newly arrived cup of coffee, Jeff turns toward the cafeteria tables and nearly runs into Abed.</p><p>"Jeff, will you be in my school promo?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"You can be the lead. Well, <em> a </em>lead." Abed's on Jeff's heels as they cross the cafeteria. "It's kind of an ensemble thing."</p><p>Jeff slides into the booth next to Shirley. "No. Ask Britta."</p><p>Britta leans forward. "Don't try to pawn things off on me."</p><p>"Hmm…" Abed tilts his head and then nods when a light comes on behind his eyes. "I could see that character as a woman."</p><p>Britta's nose scrunches. "Uh… I don't know, Abed. I took an acting class, and I wasn't very good at it."</p><p>"Leave that to me." Abed ignores Britta's grimace and returns his attention to his other friend. "Jeff, I have a different role for you."</p><p>"Still not interested."</p><p>Abed leans in for his pitch. "So it's a short film. It's nothing big-time, but it <em> is </em>a romantic comedy leading man type."</p><p>"Definitely not interested."</p><p>Pierce chimes in. "I'll do it."</p><p>Abed grimaces. "Sorry, not a good fit."</p><p>"Screw your ageism!" Pierce shouts and sits back with a pout.</p><p>Holding a basket of fries, Troy slides into his seat next to Abed. "So guys, why do you think Vaughn came back? Wasn't he gonna go be famous or something?"</p><p>Brita huffs. "Pretty obvious isn't it?"</p><p>"Yeah," Abed replies. "The classic successful protagonist returns to his roots and reconnects with his hometown sweetheart who teaches him the meaning of Christmas." He tilts his head. "It's April though. And Annie's Jewish."</p><p>"No, he's come to win Annie back." Shirley beams and rests her hand on her cheek. "It's so sweet. You know, I was lucky that Andre finally saw the error of his ways, but it's not often a woman gets back together with her man." Her voice rings with determination. "Those two are gonna live happily ever after. He came back, so it's clearly meant to be." </p><p>Pierce huffs. "Pathetic! She already dumped his ass once."</p><p>Shirley grits her teeth. "No, Pierce. It's romantic. Right, Britta?"</p><p>"Don't bring me into this. I backed you up in the study room because it was clearly important to you, but I think we can all see now that this isn't just about Annie."</p><p>Shirley's tone takes on a dangerous pitch. "Just what are you implying?"</p><p>"Projection much?"</p><p>Shirley's voice drops to its most threatening; one eyebrow raises. "I'll project your ass into the taco bar."</p><p>"Fine." Britta concedes, waving her hands for emphasis. "It's true love. Annie and Vaughn are meant to be. They're gonna get married and have a picket fence and babies and live happily ever after."</p><p>Suddenly, Jeff's coffee cup slams hard onto the table without him noticing the hot liquid that splashes onto his hand. "Can we drop the Vaughn and Annie talk!?"</p><p>Troy leans away, concerned about the outburst in front of him. "Uh… Jeff, why are you yelling?"</p><p>"Because he's jealous again," Britta mutters.</p><p>Jeff scoffs; his eye starts to twitch. "I am not jealous."</p><p>Abed tilts his head as if he's scanning then replies, "She's right. You're acting jealous."</p><p>"If you're not, you should see a doctor." Troy leans forward to scrutinize Jeff. "Because that vein on your forehead is about to explode for no reason."</p><p>"Jeffrey, just leave the poor girl alone," Shirley demands. "You've messed with her head enough already."</p><p>"First of all, Shirley, she's not a girl. Second, I'm not jealous. I'm just..." Jeff takes a deep breath. He wants to claim that he's being protective, but what are the chances they buy that excuse again? </p><p>"Horny?" Pierce asks.</p><p>"Pierce!" Shirley and Britta shout in unison.</p><p>Shirley shakes her head in disgust. "What is wrong with you?"</p><p>"What? We were all thinking it." He looks to Troy for support.</p><p>Troy's face contorts with disgust. "We definitely weren't."</p><p>Jeff grabs his book and pushes up from the table. "Forget it. I'm going to class."</p><p>"We're sorry, Jeff." Britta shoots guilty looks at the others until they also mutter apologies as he walks away.</p><p>"Why should I apologize?" Pierce protests as the lone hold-out. "I didn't say anything wrong."</p><p>Britta glares at him. "You were the worst one."</p><p>###</p><p>The projector screen rolls upward, once again escaping Professor Duncan's attempts to lock it in place. Too aware of Annie sitting next to him, Jeff pretends to be engrossed in the scene at the front of the classroom. He casually leans forward and picks up his pen. Tapping it on the table, he tilts his head toward Annie and whispers, "So Vaughn's back, huh?"</p><p>Gazing ahead, she nods. "Yeah."</p><p>Jeff's fingers tighten around his pen as he pulls off the cap. "Quite a surprise."</p><p>She nods again, staring at the front of the room where Duncan continues struggling and muttering colorful British euphemisms at the screen.</p><p>Jeff keeps his voice nonchalant, scribbling into his notebook. "What did you talk about?"</p><p>She shrugs. "Nothing you'd be interested in."</p><p>Jeff nods and watches Duncan's strife for a few seconds. "So... " He scratches the pen across the page, writing nothing but a thick, black line. "Are you... Uh... Are you getting back together or anything?"</p><p>Annie turns; a smile plays at the corner of her lips. "Jeff, do you actually care about my love life?"</p><p>Jeff huffs and stammers as he drops his pen and leans back. "What? Why would I—" His face contorts, and he shakes his head. "I mean—" He snorts and focuses on the front of the room where Duncan gives up his task and announces that since the screen is broken, he fears he may have to abandon the planned YouTube videos and actually teach something.</p><p>Letting out a loud sigh, Jeff drops his face into his hands. Yes, he cares. He cares so much that he hasn't thought about anything else for the last hour. But he can't say that.</p><p>Annie's voice becomes concerned. "Jeff, I was just kidding. You don't have to get all weird again. I know you're not interested."</p><p>He looks up. He's doing it again; making Annie feel like crap for daring to show her feelings. "No, I'm willing to listen. You know... if there's anything you want to talk about."</p><p>"It's nothing."</p><p>He pushes away his impulse to avoid the topic he doesn't want to hear. "It didn't seem like nothing."</p><p>She nods and opens her anthropology textbook, flipping through the pages. "He told me I was his inspiration for making the national team."</p><p>"Oh..." Jeff leans forward tightly gripping his pen in both hands, using significant effort to listen supportively.</p><p>She continues looking at her textbook without focusing on the pages she's flipping through. "He came to win me back."</p><p>"Wow. That's... uh... that's..." He jams his pen into the notebook page and puts on a smile. "That’s great. Congratulations."</p><p>She shrugs one shoulder and casts her eyes toward him. "Thanks, but I told him I need to think about it."</p><p>"Oh!?" For an unguarded second, he nearly lets his heart leap into his throat at the possibility that if she's not taking Vaughn back, there may still be a chance for him. "Annie…"</p><p>The room cheers as Duncan announces that today's anthropology lesson will be a first-hand demonstration of the effects of alcohol on Western society. Jeff gazes around at the faces of his classmates. Britta and Shirley look at pictures on Shirley's phone. Troy and Abed study pages covered in diagrams, probably planning whatever hijinks Abed was droning on about in the cafeteria. Pierce's head is flopped back, jaw slack, and snoring.</p><p>Jeff's shoulders slump. He can't bring himself to say it. His friends would hate him for ruining the group, and the whole school would mock him for being one of those losers who go after college girls because women his age won't deal with his non-committal bullshit. He can already hear the barbs from Leonard. "Go change your girlfriend's diaper, Winger." Eventually, Annie would hate him, because being the cool guy always matters most to Jeff; she'd resent him for not doing all the little things like not holding her hand as they walk to class. He's just not the guy who makes romantic gestures. He's never been that guy. Jeff is the guy who screws up his relationships because he cares more about appearances than following his heart. Maybe Vaughn isn't good enough for Annie, but at least he's the type who does all that lovey-dovey, romantic crap that makes Annie literally squeal with joy.</p><p>"Jeff?"</p><p>"Huh?"</p><p>"Were you going to say something?"</p><p>He shakes his head and picks up his pen. "Nevermind."</p><p>The door at the front of the room opens, and the man with the perpetually beaming smile strolls through. Rich waves an apology for being late then jogs up to the seat beside Annie. "Hey, guys!" </p><p>Jeff grumbles and slumps into his chair. Just what he needed right now, that obnoxiously chipper perfect grin.</p><p>Eyeing Jeff, Rich slides into his seat. "Hey, Jeff, are you feeling alright? You look terrible."</p><p>Jeff smashes his palm into his temple and rubs away the tic that he's starting to feel in his left eye. "I'm fine."</p><p>"You know, you can tell me if you're sick. I am a doctor."</p><p>Jeff groans.</p><p>###</p><p>As Jeff leaves his final class for the day, he sees a football sailing through the air on the opposite side of the quad. Not unusual. What's odd is the crowd standing nearby erupts in cheers when the ball is successfully caught. Drawing closer, Jeff isn't that surprised to discover Abed with Pavel and Garrett behind cameras following the action. Jeff navigates his way toward a familiar blond figure.</p><p>"Britta, what are they doing?"</p><p>She glances over her shoulder at him. "The promotional video."</p><p>"Promotion for what?"</p><p>She gives him a confused, derisive look. "For the school." She crosses her arms, watching the action. "It's their volunteer work."</p><p>In the distance, Troy draws his arm back to launch the football through the air. Down the "field", the receiver is none other than Doc Potterywood. And though Jeff can't be sure it isn't a weird trick of the sunlight, he thinks the football is blinking.</p><p>"How did Rich end up in this?"</p><p>"Don't ask me." Britta rolls her eyes. "I wasn't in charge of casting."</p><p>Jeff narrows his eyes at Britta. "And why are you still here?"</p><p>She fixes her eyes on him. "You really weren't paying attention today, were you? It's the part you pawned off on me."</p><p>"But you don't even need to do this phony charity stuff. You're in the auction."</p><p>She frowns. "I tried to get out of this thing, but Abed said it's inconsistent for 'my character' to refuse to be in any of his films when I encouraged him to follow his dream at the beginning of last 'season'." She huffs. "I think that's his version of a guilt trip."</p><p>"Should we keep indulging his idea that we're characters? There's no way that ends well, right?"</p><p>"I don't know." Britta shrugs. "But he promised to make my role empowering to women."</p><p>As Rich jogs toward Troy, Jeff notices a flicker of light coming off the ball once again. "Is that football blinking?"</p><p>"What football?"</p><p>"Britta!" Rich waves at her. "We're ready for you."</p><p>"Well, I've got to go defuse a bomb," Britta says as she strolls toward the cameras, rolling up her sleeves.</p><p>"Bomb?" Jeff's face contorts in confusion. "You guys know this is to promote the school right!?"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The auction begins!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Jeff enters the school gym, the first person—rather the first "human being"—he encounters is the inhuman attempt at inclusion gone wrong that is the Greendale Human Being mascot. Today, it's wearing a sash that reads "bachelor(ette)".</p><p>At the center of the gym, the usual stage is adorned with bright lights and streamers. Jeff scans the assembled crowd for his friends but comes up empty. Muttering to himself about what he'll do to the others if he's the only one to show, Jeff pushes his way through the herd toward the refreshment table. Halfway there, he spots a woman setting out a stack of napkins; she has beachy brunette waves and wears a green halter dress flowing down to her impressively-shaped calves and high heels. <em> When did the dean hire a new assistant?  </em></p><p>It occurs to Jeff that it's been a very long time since he's been on a real date; no wonder he keeps getting weirdly hung-up on Annie. This whole year, he hasn't even paid attention to other women. Maybe she and the rest of the group have been cramping his style long enough. Besides, if Annie is getting back together with Vaughn, maybe it's time he started noticing women again. As luck would have it, here's one he's attracted to, and she hasn't even turned around yet. Decision made, he strides forward with a self-assured smile, feeling more like Jeff "Tango" Winger than he has the whole year.</p><p>As Jeff prepares to reach into his rusty repertoire of pick-up lines, she turns; Jeff halts, nearly staggering backward. It's Annie.<em> Damn it. Of course it is. </em> Jeff is finally attracted to another woman, and she turns out to be just Annie dressed in a very non-Annie way. He would laugh if it didn't also kind of piss him off.</p><p>From across the room, she smiles and waves. He feigns a smile and lifts a hand. She goes back to arranging the table, and Rich arrives carrying a tray of cookies. Jeff's eyes narrow with a pang of jealousy when she laughs and touches the handsome doctor's elbow. They exchange smiles and words Jeff can't hear. When Rich walks away, Annie excitedly waves Jeff over. He manages to make his dejected legs move towards her.</p><p>"Jeff, you have to try these cookies!"</p><p>He takes the napkin she extends to him. "Let me guess. Rich made them."</p><p>"Yeah. Can you believe he bakes? How many doctors also bake, right?" When Jeff stands motionless, she rolls her eyes. "Just eat it, Jeff. I promise it's worth the carbs."</p><p>He takes a bite. <em> Damn it. </em> It's like chocolate caramel heaven in his mouth, but there's no way he's ever admitting that. "It's not terrible." He swallows and sets the rest of the cookie on the table. "So you and Rich seem friendly again."</p><p>Her eyelashes flutter before she tilts her head and lifts one shoulder. "He just turned me down for a date. I'm not that petty. He didn't poison my hypothetical dog." She's as bubbly as ever as she reaches under the table and pulls out a stack of plastic cups. "He's a great guy."</p><p>Jeff nods, ignoring the adoration in her voice. Annie can—and should have a crush on anyone she likes. Rich, Vaughn, Mark Ruffalo. She could date them all—at the same time if she wanted to. It's none of Jeff's business.</p><p>As she arranges the cups into neat stacks, Annie leans over and inadvertently reveals an intriguing amount of skin. Jeff swallows and directs his eyes to the punch bowl. "Yeah. Sure. Rich is the best."</p><p>"Stop pretending you don't like him. I noticed you two were pretty chummy for a while."</p><p>He laughs at the Annie-ness of her response. "Chummy?"</p><p>"Yes, chummy." Her lips curve upward, and she challenges him with her eyes. "People still use that word."</p><p>Captivated by her affectionate smile and adorable determination to defend her antiquated slang, Jeff smirks. "Uh huh."</p><p>She looks away and shyly sweeps her hair behind her ear as if she's trying to ignore that he doesn't really take issue with her word choice. "Whatever."</p><p>Maybe it's the way the absurd stage lighting seems to be making her skin glow or maybe it's the fond smile that lingers as she returns to her task, but Jeff can't take his eyes off her. "You look great." The words are out of his mouth before he even realizes he's said them.</p><p>Mid refreshments re-arranging, Annie freezes. "Um… Thanks." Her cheeks take on a pink hue as her eyes shift down to her dress and she fusses with her neckline. "My aunt gave me this. I never had the guts to wear it be—" She stops as she realizes what she's saying and focuses on Jeff. "You look—"</p><p>"Under-dressed compared to you," he jokes, looking down at his jeans.</p><p>"Well, no one is bidding on you. So considering that, you look great."</p><p>"Thanks." He watches her pull out a box of sporks. "Do you need help?"</p><p>Annie directs him to the tasks remaining, and for that brief window, it's just the two of them. Jeff is the most content he's ever felt. No one else in the room matters; just the joy of being in her presence and watching her smile.</p><p>"Check. Check."</p><p>The sound of the dean's voice crackles through the air, and Jeff feels embarrassed for the ridiculous degree of sentimentality he found in something as mundane as setting up a snack table. He takes one last look at Annie before dragging himself back to reality. </p><p>"Hello, Greendale!" Dean Pelton announces. "Welcome to our bachelorette auction. I'd like to thank everyone for coming. Before we start, I have a brief announcement. I'm glad to see so many of you carrying fistfuls of what we've referred to until now as greenbacks, however, I was recently informed that 'greenback' is offensive to the Irish."</p><p>In response to the collective confusion of the crowd, the dean replies, "I know. Can you believe it? I had no idea either."</p><p>Jeff looks down at Annie, exchanging a perplexed expression.</p><p>The dean continues, "We've also been getting a lot of feedback that we don't cater to our students from India and of Indian descent. So after extensive Facebook research, I discovered they prefer to be called Native Americans." The crowd groans. "So we've decided to rename the currency in honor of this neglected segment of our student body."</p><p>"Oh geez," Jeff mutters.</p><p>"So get your wampum ready!" Dean Pelton shouts. "The bidding starts in five minutes."</p><p>Annie looks up at Jeff. "Wampum? Is that offensive?"</p><p>He shakes his head. "After this long at Greendale, I don't even know anymore."</p><p>As the dean attempts to step away from the microphone, he manages to get tangled in the cable. As he stumbles around unraveling himself, Jeff remembers the rest of the wacky band of misfits is still missing.</p><p>"Where is everybody?"</p><p>The dean continues stumbling around the stage as Annie replies, "Britta and Shirley are getting ready in the bathroom. Troy and Abed are editing their movie. Pierce is probably with them, still trying to get Abed to give him a role." She nods toward the door Rich had exited earlier. "Rich went to get them."</p><p>Jeff casts his eyes toward Annie as he notices the warmth of her shoulder against his arm. He smiles as he allows himself to remember kissing her after an event not that different from this one.</p><p>"Make any decisions about Vaughn?" The question slips out.</p><p>She shakes her head. "Not really. One on hand, we had a good relationship. On the other, if we were right together, why didn't I go to Delaware with him?" She's silent for a few seconds then sighs. "Obviously something was missing right?"</p><p>Jeff nods and feels a wave of relief involuntarily pass over him.</p><p>His solace is short-lived as Annie continues, "I don't know though. He's really sweet. Writing me songs and sending me flowers." She giggles fondly. "He sent me gifts in every one of my classes today. I had to ask him to stop and give me some space to think about things."</p><p>Jeff's stomach twists. He has a fleeting impulse to suggest that she could find someone better, but he knows if he even makes a slight implication that he disapproves, Annie will demand he explain himself for once again trying to keep her away from other guys. She would see right through him, and unless he's finally willing to give her the relationship she deserves, she would be furious with Jeff for selfishly interfering again. Not for the first time, Jeff questions whether the greater evil is to watch Annie with another man or to risk hurting her by subjecting her to the likes of Jeff Winger.</p><p>"Ladies, gentlemen, and non-binary!" the dean announces from the stage. "Thank you all for everything you've done for charity. Give yourselves a round of applause."</p><p>The room erupts and Jeff grunts. "So we're still calling doing chores for faculty 'charity'. Is that an insult to actual charities?"</p><p>Annie grins and pokes him in the rib with her elbow. "Don't be too harsh. It makes him feel more useful."</p><p>"Now get ready for our first bachelor or bachelorette!" Dean Pelton shouts.</p><p>"Oh no! I'm supposed to be in line." Annie rushes off, leaving Jeff alone to regret another missed opportunity to ask Annie to forget about Vaughn and give him another chance.</p><p>"Hey, Jeff."</p><p>He turns to see Abed and Troy arrive, both with green slips of paper in their hands. "Hey," he answers, noticing Troy already made his way to the snacks. "How's your movie coming?"</p><p>"Almost finished, but I'm still missing one of the most important parts. I could use you in that leading man role."</p><p>"Sorry, I can't clear my schedule."</p><p>"These cookies are amazing!" Troy interrupts through a mouthful. "Did you know Rich bakes cookies?"</p><p>"Yeah." Jeff rolls his eyes. " Everybody knows Rich bakes."</p><p>Abed perks up at the change in Jeff's voice. "Are you still jealous of Rich?"</p><p>"No. Why do you always assume I'm jealous?"</p><p>"You're very insecure." Abed waves his hands in a smooth, open gesture. "Plus you have an existential crisis whenever a guy pays attention to Annie. Since Rich has been helping her out today, it's in character for you to start freaking out again. Maybe end up making some kind of impulsive romantic overture."</p><p>"Yeah. Well, you're wrong, and that's ridiculous."</p><p>"Cool." Abed pulls a stack of auction bills out and starts flipping through them. "You know, Rich has quite a pile of these greenbacks."</p><p>"The dean is calling them wampum now," Jeff corrects.</p><p>Troy freezes, cookie midway to his mouth. "That seems offensive."</p><p>"Yeah. If you heard his whole announcement, it only makes it worse."</p><p>Troys raises an eyebrow then with a half-eaten cookie sticking out of his mouth, begins counting his handful of lime green paper.</p><p>Abed waves his stack of money again. "Yeah, Rich has a <em> lot </em>of greenbacks. He's planning to buy a certain member of our study group."</p><p>"Hmm..." Jeff mutters as his eyes move from the stage to the line of students up for auction. Most are people he's seen but doesn't know. Britta and Shirley have managed to end up close to the front. Annie stands in the back half of the line. When Abed's words finally register, Jeff whips his head around. "Wait. What? Did he say that?"</p><p>"Yep. His exact words."</p><p>Jeff looks to Troy for confirmation, but he receives only cookie-muffled mumbles.</p><p>"Why?" He searches the crowd for Rich. "That doesn't make sense."</p><p>Abed shrugs as the dean pronounces a blonde sold for fifteen hundred.</p><p>Rich is buying Annie? After his noble act of turning her down for being too young? Maybe Mr. Perfect isn't so perfect after all. Maybe it was just some twisted manipulation where he turns women down just to make them more into him later. Like those douchebags who insult insecure women at bars as a pick-up line. Whatever his game, Jeff isn't letting Rich get away with it.</p><p>Jeff clenches his jaw and stares at the stage. "I need fake money."</p><p>From beside him, Abed replies, "Don't look at me. I tried to pay you for a role."</p><p>###</p><p>Jeff walks into the empty hallway and heads toward the booth, sitting under a banner that once read "greenbacks" but has now been scratched out via a black marker. Jeff groans when he sees a certain, dramatically enthusiastic, day-seizing professor behind the counter.</p><p>As Jeff approaches, Professor Whitman shouts, "Jeff Winger! Excellent to see you! Have you purchased yourself a lovely lady this evening?"</p><p>If there's any chance of this working, he has to win over Whitman, so Jeff swallows his instinctive sarcasm and puts on his most exuberant smile. "Professor Whitman, wouldn't ya know it, that's exactly what I'm here to see you about." Whitman's eyebrows raise with intrigue, and Jeff leans his elbow on the booth with his other hand on his hip with the dramatic flair of a vaudeville movie. "I need some auction money."</p><p>"Absolutely! That's what I'm here for." Whitman holds his hand out toward Jeff. "Just pass me your voucher, and I'll have you bidding in a jiffy."</p><p>"Yeah..." Jeff's smile slips as he looks around to make sure they're alone. "Here's the problem. I don't have a voucher."</p><p>Whitman's eyes pop open in surprise. "They didn't give you a voucher for your volunteer work?"</p><p>"Here's the other problem." Jeff lowers his voice quiet enough to confess a secret. "I didn't do any volunteer work."</p><p>The professor's back straightens and his eyes bulge wide. "Then why are you here?"</p><p>Jeff leans in as he tries to wield his rusty powers of manipulation. "Professor, I need a favor." He places his hand on Whitman's shoulder. "Your initial impulse is going to be to say no, but before you respond, I want you to take a moment and consider <em> seizing this opportunity </em> to help a fellow human being in need."</p><p>Whitman's voice lowers. "Jeffrey, what are you asking?"</p><p>Jeff tilts his head in the direction of the phony money. "I'll give you fifty bucks for ten thousand of those things."</p><p>Whitman's mouth falls open. "Jeffrey!"</p><p>"A hundred?"</p><p>Professor Whitman drops his voice to a shouted whisper. "I can't do that! That is dishonest, and <em> frankly </em> I'm appalled."</p><p>Jeff groans and plants his face in his palm. He scrubs his hand through his hair, takes a deep breath, and decides on another tactic. "Okay. You win. I promise to clean chalkboards and erase penises from textbooks later if you give me some money for the auction."</p><p>Whitman crosses his arms over his chest. "That would hardly be fair to everyone who had to finish their charity work first."</p><p>Jeff tosses his head back and glares at the ceiling. "There is no charity. Stop calling it that!"</p><p>Whitman takes a step back. "Well somebody is quite the sour puss."</p><p>Jeff balls his hands at his sides. "Professor, please just give me the damned fake money!"</p><p>"You mean wampum."</p><p>Jeff slams his fist on the counter. "I am not calling it that!"</p><p>Whitman jumps. "Jeffrey, what has gotten into you?"</p><p>Jeff sighs, deflating until his shoulders slump. "I need to buy someone."</p><p>"Ooh!" The professor's face softens. "Does the infamous ladies' man Jeff Winger have an unrequited crush?"</p><p>"Yes." Jeff blinks. "I mean no. I just need to keep her from being bought by some jerk and getting hurt again."</p><p>Whitman smiles. "Now why didn't you just say so in the first place. I'd have to be a heartless monster not to help with such a noble cause." He reaches into a small metal box and pulls out two short stacks of bills before peering down the hallway to confirm they're still alone. "Here, I can spare two thousand without the dean noticing. It'll cost you twenty hours of work." Whitman leans in and winks. "But you can do it later."</p><p>###</p><p>As Jeff walks into the gym with his newly acquired bills, Dean Pelton announces a bachelor as sold. He directs the purchased student off the stage then turns to the crowd with a hand on his hip. </p><p>"It's been brought to my attention that some of you slackers aren't paying up. So you now have sixty seconds after your bid to come to the fulfillment table or your date goes to the next highest bidder." His voice softens. "Now, it's not that we don't trust you—" A voice interrupts him from the table to the right of the stage, then he amends, "No, I'm sorry. It is that we don't trust you. Folks, pay up quickly is all I'm saying."</p><p>Abed turns his head as Jeff steps next to him and Troy. "Jeff, you just missed it." </p><p>"Missed what?"</p><p>"Rich's bid." Abed nods toward the right of the stage. "He won."</p><p>"What!?" Jeff's eyes follow Abed's to where Rich is leaving the fulfillment table. With his heart dropping, Jeff looks for Annie and finally sees her still at the back of the line of waiting bachelors and bachelorettes.</p><p>"Yeah," Troy replies. "He bought Britta. He bid six thousand right off the bat. You should have seen it. It was so... <em> efficient </em>." He looks up at Abed. "Why did we waste time on all those bids when we could have just started with a higher number than everybody else?"</p><p>Jeff stares at the stage as he processes Troy's words. Annie was never within Rich's sights. There was never anything to worry about. Jeff's shoulders relax; he grins, almost laughing at his own mistake.</p><p>Abed tilts his head and inspects Jeff. "You don't seem upset. The way you reacted earlier, I thought you'd be more bothered by the news."</p><p>Jeff beams. "Yeah. I um..."</p><p>"You didn't realize I was talking about Britta." Abed continues to scrutinize Jeff. "You thought I meant Annie."</p><p>Jeff stifles his smile and scoffs. "No, I didn't." </p><p>"Oh. I guess I was wrong." Abed watches the stage where another student is being auctioned. Studying Abed, Jeff's eyes narrow. <em> Did his friend mislead him on purpose? </em>Abed turns to Jeff then looks down at the bills in his hand. "Are you planning to bid on someone?"</p><p>The sneaky bastard.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Annie is up for bid.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>"Another one sold!" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean Pelton leans to eye level with a petite student sporting a pixie haircut. "How fun for you!" After giving the successful bachelorette a light nudge on the back, he watches them head for the stairs before turning toward the next student up for bid. "Ah... To be young and up for auction."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As the next student is called, Britta and Shirley make their way to the back of the gym and join the group. Shirley is all smiles while Britta shakes her head, scowling as she takes a place at Jeff's right. Shirley squeals and hugs Troy and Abed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before Jeff can ask why Shirley seems so giddy, Britta erupts. "You were right, Jeff. Rich is awful!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Told you so."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She leans past Jeff and shouts toward Abed. "And </span>
  <em>
    <span>he's</span>
  </em>
  <span> the one who couldn't get his lines right. Not me!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He knew all the lines." Annoyance creeps through Abed's deadpan exterior. "Including yours."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Britta rolls her eyes. "Yeah, well that smug grin was not in the script."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Abed nods. "That's technically accurate."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She tilts her head back and groans. "Every time I got a single syllable wrong, he corrected me. Who the hell is he to tell me how to do </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>lines?" Britta turns to Jeff. "I thought you just hated him because he's better looking than you, but he really is obnoxious and…" Her shoulders quiver like something is crawling across them. "...disturbing. I called him a talentless slug who wasn't worth the air he was sucking down, and I think he liked it! Tell me that's not creepy." She frowns, shuddering again. "I can't believe I have to go on a date with him. Jeff, can't you do some lawyer thing and get me out of it?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeff sneers. "How would I do that?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She huffs and tosses up her hands. "I don't know! You were the lawyer. Not me."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Britta, can't you just, I don't know, not go?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ugh!" She rolls her eyes. "You're a terrible lawyer."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Abed lifts a hand in her direction. "You should compliment him."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeff huffs. "No amount of compliments would convince me to take a case this pointless."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Not you. I meant Rich."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What? No!" Britta's face distorts with disgust. "He's terrible. Why would I do that?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Because you remind him of his mother."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What?" Britta's nose wrinkles. "How do you know about his mother?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"We talked about it during casting."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She draws her head back. "Is that normal?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No, most people don't have those kinds of mommy issues."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Britta groans. "I mean is it normal to ask that during casting?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"For me it is." Abed tilts his head. "His mother was hypercritical and made him feel like a failure, so he mistakes your criticism for affection. If you compliment him, it'll turn him off."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Creepy. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>should have</span>
  </em>
  <span> protested this whole thing." She purses her lips and her eyes shift back and forth as she rolls the idea around her head. "But then how would I get that social studies credit? I guess I could put up with him for one date." Her eyes light up as an idea sparks. "Unless..."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeff's eyes widen as he tunes into the conversation. "You get a social studies credit!?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Shit! I forgot I wasn't supposed to tell the bidders."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I knew all of you weren't doing this out of the goodness of your hearts!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The dean's voice cuts in. "Who do we have next? Ah! Annie Edison." He looks toward the students still lined up next to the stage then turns back to the crowd and cups his hand over one side of his mouth. "Just a word of advice. I'd bid now. It's all downhill from here."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hey! We can hear you," a voice yells from down the line.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Annie steps on stage, Dean Pelton shouts back, "You play backgammon, Jenny. Find a hobby from this century!" Annie shifts her feet, awkwardly in the middle of the disagreement. When he sees her reaction, he slaps a hand over his mouth. "I'm so sorry. That was unprofessional of me. Everyone at Greendale is free to enjoy any hobby no matter </span>
  <em>
    <span>how </span>
  </em>
  <span>boring." He reaches an arm toward Annie who hesitates then smiles and joins him at the front of the stage. "Now then, who'll give me one hundred for Ms. Edison?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"One hundred!" The voice comes from the wheezing, allergic mess that is Garrett.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Another voice. "Two hundred!" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Three hundred!" Garrett responds.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On stage, Annie grins and bounces on her toes at the excitement of the bids. Jeff stifles a laugh. Annie on a date with Garrett. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Had he ever even talked to her before? Was Garrett capable of forming full sentences around a girl?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Annie would probably still enjoy the date; she tended to find the bright side of weird situations. It's just one of the many frustrating things Jeff adores about her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Pop! Pop!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The dean looks into the crowd and grins as he points at the one-man party.  "I'm going to take that as a bid of four hundred for Magnitude."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Pop!" A pause before Magnitude raises his hands in the air. "Pop!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The room laughs, and Jeff amuses himself with the thought of Annie sitting in a fancy restaurant attempting to conduct an in-depth conversation but receiving only repeated one-word responses. Chuckling silently at the idea of Annie's potential dates, Jeff congratulates himself for being genuinely devoid of jealousy. He's actually one hundred percent fine with it. He smiles, content in the fact that this time, he only overreacted because he was protecting her from Rich. Maybe Jeff is finally on the path to getting over Annie. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Five hundred," a new voice shouts. Jeff's face falls when he sees the hand raised in the crowd; a thumb ring, rope bracelets, and a wolf tattoo scrawled along a muscular forearm that's accented by a pushed-up flannel sleeve. The suave bad boy look is completed by a head of strategically messy, dark hair and a dimpled face adorned with a pencil moustache and soul patch.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeff turns to Abed. "Who the hell is that?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Niko. He's a theater major. He starred in my </span>
  <em>
    <span>Edward Scissorhands</span>
  </em>
  <span> homage, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jacob Rockfeet</span>
  </em>
  <span>, the story of a man persecuted by society for his poor dancing. He's also a werewolf."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"How does he know Annie?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He's a character in a movie, Jeff. He doesn't know anybody."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeff grits his teeth. "Niko!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh." Abed shrugs. "I don't think he does."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeff's ears tune back into the rising bids as Niko shouts, "Nine hundred."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On stage, Annie blushes and bats her eyelashes with a coy smile across her lips. She clasps her hands in front of her, and her shoulders push forward, enhancing her bustline as she gazes down at her bidder. Suddenly, Annie's potential date is no longer amusing in the face of this artistically sensitive degenerate that Jeff is certain can pick up women without even saying hello.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"One thousand!" Jeff blurts out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh! There you are, Jeffrey." The dean waves. "I didn't know you were here. My, you look fit this evening. Who makes that shirt? It hugs you so well."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What are you doing?" Britta whispers from Jeff's side.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeff doesn't take his eyes off Annie. Her brow furrows, disbelieving as she stares back at him. "I'm saving her."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Britta eyes Niko. "From what, catching a case of sexy-itis? He could buy me any day." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You're not helping!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I wasn't trying to." Britta crosses her arms. "I thought you said this was stupid. You don't even have any fake money."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yes, I do."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Since when?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeff glares. "Since none of your business."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Fine. Make a fool of yourself." She waves her hand at him. "See if I care."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Don't worry about the shirt, Jeffrey. I'll check your tag later. Okay, I'm sorry. I lost track." Dean Pelton searches the audience. "Where were we?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Eleven hundred," Garrett replies.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Okay, eleven hundred for Garrett. Do I hear twelve?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mr. Dangerously Handsome holds up his hand again. "Twelve hundred."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Thirteen hundred!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Annie glances in his direction then looks away, refusing to repeat her past mistakes of reading sentiment into Jeff's actions.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Uh... Jeff…? Why are you bidding on Annie?" Troy asks. "You talk to her, like, every day. You could just ask her on a date."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeff's jaw tightens. "I don't want to date Annie!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Troy turns to Abed. "What does he think this auction is for?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Fourteen hundred." A new voice is distinctly recognizable.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeff grits his teeth and mutters under his breath. "Starburns!" Compared to this stoner burn-out, that wannabe actor might as well be Prince Charming. Jeff can't let one of these walking hazards to womankind outbid him. "Abed, give me your money."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Abed pulls out his front pockets, emphasizing the point like he's in a silent movie. "I don't have any."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What happened to it?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Troy and I pooled our money to buy Shirley. I know you were supposed to, but you were preoccupied. She said it was 'nice'."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeff hears the bidding increase to fifteen hundred. He puts on a smile before turning to his other side. "Hey… Britta, I could use some cash."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Well, don't look at me." Britta barely looks up from her phone. "I can't even pay my own rent."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What?" His smile disappears. "No! For bidding. Give me your ridiculous auction dollars."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She shakes her head. "Sorry, I don't have any."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Didn't you get paid for Abed's promo thing?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah, but I gave it all to Troy."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeff groans, growing impatient as he hears Niko raise the bid to sixteen hundred. There's no way Annie should date a guy with a soul patch. Jeff's eyes drift to Shirley. She pulls her handbag to her chest. "Don't look at me. I have seven hundred, but I'm not supporting this."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You'd rather see her with Jack Sparrow over there!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Please." Shirley huffs. "Niko is a nice boy. This isn't about him. This is about you not wanting Annie to be with anybody else."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Shirley, I'm not trying to date Annie."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her voice deepens. "That makes it even worse. You have no business leading her on again."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeff clenches his jaw. "Shirley, I'm just trying—"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Come on, Jeff. We're not idiots." Britta crosses her arms. "This thing where you pretend like you're just protecting her insults all of our intelligence. Quit being a jerk and admit you have feelings."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeff steps back like he's been hit in the face. "What? That's— That's—" He tries for a casual laugh that comes out maniacal. "Guys—" He seeks support from Troy and Abed who reluctantly nod in agreement. "Wait. So… You wouldn't hate me?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No." Abed tilts his head, searching his catalog of expected potential outcomes for his friends. "I already assumed you and Annie would eventually spin off to some medical-legal drama."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeff scans his friends' faces. They each give silent agreement, although some begrudgingly. "What about the beginning of this year? You were all pissed at me because I kissed her."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Troy cocks his head back. "At the beginning of the year, you were an asshole to both Britta and Annie."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh." He nods. "Yeah."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Britta crosses her arms. "Just don't be an asshole."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Well... I can handle that. I think." He draws his lips into a line, absorbing the impact of his friends' complete lack of objections. "I guess in that case… Um… Shirley, I have feelings for Annie and would like to take her on a date. As my friend, will you please help me?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shirley continues to clutch her bag until Britta nudges her with her elbow. "Fine." Shirley reaches into her bag. "You better mean it this time."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeff takes the money from her hand. "Thank you, Shirley."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You may still come up short," Abed says. "Garrett already bid twenty three hundred, but I know where you can get more." He points and Jeff follows his direction to see Pierce who is camped out near the stage waving a wad of auction money in a fruitless attempt to get the attention of one of the remaining bachelorettes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean Pelton's shouts, "I have twenty three hundred. Do I hear twenty four?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Twenty four!" Jeff shouts. Annie's eyes widen; she glares at him, somewhere between confusion and frustration.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jeffrey? You're bidding again? On someone from your study group?" Batting his eyelashes, the dean turns his leg and lifts a hand to his cheek like he's patting luxurious locks of hair he doesn't have. "You wouldn't rather wait and see if there might be a last-minute surprise bachelor come up for auction?" Dean Pelton waits in uncomfortable silence, but pushing through the crowd on his quest for cash, Jeff doesn't hear or acknowledge the suggestion. The dean sighs and resumes his auctioneering stance. "Nevermind." His voice drips with jealousy. "Ms. Edison, you're quite the lucky lady. Do I hear twenty five?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>An unknown voice shouts, "Twenty five!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeff squeezes through two students and reaches his elderly friend. "Pierce, how much fake money have you got?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Seventeen hundred."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeff holds out his hand. "Give it to me."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pierce balks. "No way! I couldn't afford Brittles, but I've got my eye on that one." He points to the middle-aged, blond woman the dean had been squabbling with earlier.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With no time to waste, Jeff resorts to a tactic guaranteed to work only on Pierce. "You know they don't have to have sex with you right?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What? They don't? Then what the hell is the point of this!?" Those nearby turn at Pierce's outburst. He thrusts his wad of bills into Jeff's chest as he storms off toward the back of the room. Jeff relaxes, feeling comfortable that forty-four hundred will be more than enough to win Annie.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Do I hear twenty seven?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Twenty-seven hundred." Grinning ear to ear, Jeff looks up at Annie as he raises his hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With confusion still in her eyes, the frustration on Annie's face fades into a lopsided smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Twenty-eight." Garrett huffs nearby and begins counting his stack of money.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Twenty-nine!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Do I hear three thousand?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Niko waves his hands in defeat, and Jeff beams. For the first time since he started bidding, he has a moment of pause. This is exhilarating. Not the auction, but the possibility of having his feelings out in the open, of no longer denying them to himself, his friends, and most of all, Annie. For the first time, he feels like Greendale isn't just a cesspool he needs to escape in order to get back to real life. It's the place where he found one.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Annie meets his eyes and mouths, "What are you doing?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He smiles a genuine, unguarded smile and raises his arms in an over-the-top shrug.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Garret waves his bills. "Three thousand!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Thirty-one hundred." Jeff's eyes remain locked on Annie's. Her cheeks flush.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When no one offers another bid, Dean Pelton announces, "I've got thirty-one hundred. Do I hear thirty-two?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Garrett's shoulders slump, and he hangs his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Going once."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeff smiles as Annie studies him with both hope and confusion written across her features.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Going twice."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Four thousand!" The voice comes from the back of the room. Everyone turns. Jeff frowns when he sees the douchebag hippie that he had temporarily forgotten to worry about.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh, wow!" The dean places one hand on his chest. "What a grand gesture!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeff grits his teeth. "Forty-four hundred!" That's his max, but hopefully, the hacky-sacking stoner has reached his as well.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Five thousand," Vaughn replies.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Shit," Jeff mutters. He turns back to the stage to find Annie's eyes on him, not Vaughn. Jeff decides to throw the rules to hell. "Six thousand!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The entire room turns toward Vaughn, who dejectedly shakes his head. Jeff exhales sharply and rolls his head back, grinning and basking in relief.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I have six thousand. Going once." Silence. "Going twice." Silence. Dean Pelton groans and frowns. "Sold to Jeff Winger." Annie's eyes are still locked on Jeff when the dean gives her a shove toward the steps. "Well, that was a disappointment. You know, Jeffrey, if you change your mind, you can just not pay. I mean in case you decide to wait for the one who's been waiting for you all along." When Jeff does a double take and scowls, Dean Pelton turns toward the line of remaining women. "Fine. Forget I said anything. Who do we have next?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Jeff watches Annie descend the steps on the opposite side of the room, he wants to fight through the crowd to reach her, to apologize for being such a jerk this year. He wants to promise to do as many corny, romantic gestures as she can stand if she'll just give him another chance—if it feels like this. Unfortunately, he's not the only one looking for another chance, and unless Jeff wants his first romantic gesture to end in Annie on a date with her ex, he has to get more phony cash. It should be no problem. It didn't take him long to get forty-four hundred. He can get another sixteen hundred in a snap. His eyes immediately land on Garrett. Jeff wades through the crowd to where the young man is camped out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hey, Garrett. Nice bidding. So I was wondering..." He places his hand on the other man's shoulder. "Is it just Annie you were interested in or are there other women you might want to date? Anyone I might be able to help with, like Britta or... Britta?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Garrett seems out of breath as usual. "I was hoping for a brunette or a redhead."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeff nods, not letting on that he doesn't actually know any women off-hand that he could convince to go on a date with Garrett. "You're in luck. I think I can arrange that."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Garrett eyes Jeff suspiciously. "Why would you help me?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeff puts on his most disarming smile. "Just trying to make up for outbidding you."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't need your pity." Garrett huffs and turns back toward the stage. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Look, Garrett, I need your help." Jeff leans in close and lowers his voice. "I overbid, and I need another sixteen hundred. If you help me, I'll give you whatever you want for it. Money, dates, anything."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Garrett's eyes grow larger, and Jeff knows he's made a mistake.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He doesn't have the money! Jeff Winger doesn't have the money!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Shut up!" Jeff dips his head as the room goes silent with hundreds of eyes upon him. At the same moment, he notices Pavel coming in close with a camera. "What the hell?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Abed's voice calls over the crowd. "Jeff, ignore it. Just keep rolling."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeff turns in a circle. The entire school surrounds him, their faces a mixture of pity and amusement. Some shake their head with disapproval; some snicker. It's every nightmare of his childhood friends pointing and laughing playing out before his eyes. Jeff Winger out in the open, for the first time in his life, emotionally naked. He feels transparent; his feelings have been ripped out and bared for all to see. His heart races; his head pounds; he can't breathe. Air. He needs air. He needs to get out of here, away from their eyes and the crushing weight of humiliation. Head down, he shoves his way through the crowd. Pavel trails him into the hall, followed closely by Abed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jeff, where are you going?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeff whirls. "Abed, what the hell? Why are you filming this!?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"For the school promo."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What!?" Jeff staggers then searches the hallway, looking for any clue to make sense of the situation. "Did you do this on purpose? You set me up for a movie?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's a promo. It's a </span>
  <em>
    <span>Die Hard 3</span>
  </em>
  <span> meets</span>
  <em>
    <span> Love Actually</span>
  </em>
  <span> type of thing, and I still needed a rom-com element. This wasn't a perfect fit, but it was easy to get." When the explanation only makes Jeff's face redden, Abed adds, "It wasn't all on purpose. I didn't know Vaughn would show up. I just needed you to bid."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Abed!" Jeff balls his fists at his sides. "You can't manipulate people like that!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Abed tilts his head, considering the statement. "But I needed real emotion, and I can't afford to pay real actors."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeff's face grows red. "Abed, no means no!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Abed's eyes narrow, and he shakes his head. "I don't think that phrase was intended to be applied to this context."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeff's fists tighten, nails digging into his palms. "It applies to </span>
  <em>
    <span>every </span>
  </em>
  <span>context!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The intensity in Jeff's voice leads Abed to make a cut sign with his hand to Pavel who lowers the camera and walks away. Abed pauses in thought then lifts one hand. "I don't understand. When I made the movie where you didn't want to play my dad, you saw how good my film was, and that made it okay that I tricked you into being in it. I thought this was like that."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeff clenches his jaw. "That wasn't okay either. I just forgave you because you were going through some shit!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh." Abed pauses to think. "So it's okay to trick you if I'm working through issues?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What? No! Are you seriously asking that?" Jeff's anger dissipates as he searches the guileless face of his friend. He shakes his head and moves to leave but changes his mind and turns back after the first step. "Abed, you embarrassed me in front of everyone."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You were only outbid at an auction, Jeff. Last year, you played billiards naked in front of the whole school. That had to be more embarrassing."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah, well…" Jeff runs his hand through his hair. "This is different."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm sorry. In a rom-com, the guy is supposed to get the girl." Abed takes a step forward. "For what it's worth, if I saw this coming, I wouldn't have done it. I thought it would end differently."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeff peers behind Abed, hoping to find that Annie has followed them into the hallway. It's empty; she's probably with Vaughn. "Yeah, so did I."</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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